Morbidity And Magic
by Lord Beeblebum
Summary: Adventures commence with ketchup, pineapple, treacle tart and various other foods... with a lot of severe morbidness due to Lizza. Yes, it's todays HILARIOUS game of Consequences!
1. In which ketchup is discussed. Well, a l...

Consequences

Disclaimer: Nothing to see here… move along, move along… They're not mine, or anyone else's except J.K. Rowling. So… on with the show! ~ Zoë.

_Lizza: _"Bonjour," said Fred.

"Ah, kill!" yelled everyone else. So he died.

_Zoë: _Which pretty much rounds up the story, really. I mean, it's a little naïve to continue a story when someone's just died like that. Do I even know what naïve means? Who really cares? Anyway, back to the story, or what's left of it. After he died everybody…

Sarah: …ate tea. Well at least they started eating tea, but then someone mentioned using his remains as tomato ketchup and no-one was hungry anymore.

_Lizza: _Because they had just eaten Percy, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley so now they are no longer in any consequences due to the fact they are all dead. "Hahaha!" yelled Voldemort, and promptly also died (I tried to have a different ending but today I'm being very morbid)

_Zoë: _And if anyone was morbid, it was Lucius Malfoy. Skeletons, torture chambers, shrunken heads… Draco shuddered. He much preferred kittens, ribbons, lace, peaches and cream, and strolling through cornfields wearing a pink dress.

_Sarah: _"Do you think he's gone mad?" asked Fred in a hushed whisper.

"Probably," replied George. "Shall we go and see?" So they crept up behind Harry and rugby-tackled him to the ground.

_Lizza: _"Ahh!" said Bill and died due to the fact he fell down a huge hole and landed on the ghoul, who also died.


	2. In which scrabble is played very, very b...

Consequences

Disclaimer: Nothing to see here… move along, move along… They're not mine, or anyone else's except J.K. Rowling. So… on with the show! ~ Zoë.

_Zoë: _Harry and Ron were being forcibly made to play scrabble by the evil Parry Hotter, who had kidnapped them and was keeping them hostage!

"Oh no!" screamed Ron as Parry placed down "Quivering" on a triple word score. "Only Hermione and her immense vocabulary can save us now!!!"

_Sarah: _Hermione flew into the room in Superman style.

"Yippy! We're saved!"

"Superhermione to the rescue!!!" Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

_Lizza: _She banged into Ron who was already sporting a broken leg, and he was knocked out and carried to the hospital now with 2 broken legs and a broken arm. Unfortunately, Madam Pomfrey is actually Voldemort in surprise so he/she 'accidentally' said the wrong spell and Ron 'unfortunately' died.

_Zoë: _"For goodness' sake!" shouted Mrs Weasley. "Pull yourself together! Honestly! If you don't, you don't get any pudding for a week!"

Faced with that, the deceased promptly jumped up again.

"Yum! I like treacle tarts!"

_Sarah: _"I don't."

"I do, I think they taste like heaven."

"Have you ever tasted heaven?"

"No…"

"I'm bored, lets go and play a game of strip Quidditch."

_Lizza: _Unfortunately, Charlie Weasley then had an unfortunate accident in which while naked he crashed, and guess how long he lived after he crashed?  
  


_Zoë: _He survived! So Ron got to the wedding, he and Hermione were married, and there was shortbread and strawberry milkshake for all.


	3. In which Lizza continues her vendetta ag...

Consequences

Disclaimer: Nothing to see here… move along, move along… They're not mine, or anyone else's except J.K. Rowling, apart from the Shrek reference. So… on with the show! ~ Zoë.

_Sarah: _One cold winters afternoon, all the characters from the Harry Potter books were being rounded up (like the fairytale characters in Shrek) by Muggles who thought they were evil. The Muggles were having a few problems with Voldemort.

_Lizza: _"Let's have a party!" called George. "There will never be any fear of You-Know-Who again!"

"Say Voldemort!" yelled everyone.

"No!" said George, "because if I ever say Voldemort I will die!"

"You just said Voldemort," they all reminded him.

"Oh," he said, and died.

_Zoë: _"Well, that's sorted that mess out," said Fred Weasley, rubbing his hands together.

"Job well done, I reckon," said George.

"HEY!" shouted Harry. "You're not allowed to destroy Voldemort, that's my job… I mean… well done, jolly good show!"

_Sarah: _"Yes, jolly good show," agreed Percy. Ron nudged him in the ribs.

"You didn't see it," he reminded him. "You were asleep."

"Whoops," said Percy, "I was just dreaming about being made Minister of Magic."

_Lizza: _(D'oh I wish Percy wasn't dead…) "Now who shall I make minister?" said the author. "I know, how about Mr Weasley then Lucius Malfoy can kill him." All this happened and Lucius became Minister no, Prime Minister of Muggle England!

_Zoë:_ Percy was very annoyed, and promptly became a dark wizard and blew everyone up. All he'd ever wanted was to feel LOVED, but NOOOOOO, no-one even mentioned him in their consequences stories…

_Sarah: _The first one started off strangely and ended with the word PINEAPPLE.


End file.
